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| i think my film is broken. |
A three year old and a three month old. Oh, boy. Some days it has been a total breeze. I think We should have another one now! This is easy! and some days I want to find that smiling optimistic lady and slap her in the face.
Lillian is still adjusting to Rosie's arrival and it hasn't been easy. I may have mentioned before that Lilly seems to have lost her independence since Rosanna's arrival. Before Rosie Lilly never needed or wanted help with most things. Swimming, eating, playing, getting in the car- "No, mama. I do it." Sometimes she would even go to the bathroom without mentioning it to me. She would be in the other room and the sound of the toilet alerted me to the situation. "Do you need me to wipe or flush for you?" "No. I do it, mama."
Now she wants help with everything. She wants me to hold both hands while she is on the potty. She throws herself on the floor and cries when I tell her to get in her car seat by herself. She wants me to feed her. She spends a good portion of her day physically leaning against me whining. And I hate it. Then I feel like the worlds worst mother. I miss my independent little girl.
The other day I was praying that God would restore her independence. With exasperation I asked How long do I have to hold her hand?! I don't have the time/patience to deal with this. Help me! Then I realized that I was asking Him to hold my hand because I was tired of holding her's. Oh, the irony. Thankfully, He has more patience then I could imagine and continuously gives me grace. So I will do my best to pass it on to her.
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gage was the same way after owsley was born. he suddenly wanted me to help him do all the things he was more than capable of doing. he never even had a full fledged public meltdown until after owsley was born either. things will get better, with time.
ReplyDeletemy mom and dad have always told me never to pray for more patience, because then God will test you to the limit with the patience you already have. but to pray instead that you be able to use your patience to the best of your ability. i know there are definitely days where i go to sleep wondering how i could make it through the next day.
ruh row. I guess I'm in trouble bc I pray for more all the time. I suppose those are the growing pains I'm feeling. ;)
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